A Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter & Woman…Overcoming Domestic Abuse With God

Posts tagged ‘the dream’

Fade to Black

This is the painful part.  Not that any of the rest of it has been sunshine and roses at any point but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  Give up the ghost.  Accept it is over.  Watch my dream fade to black.

There are things going on all around me that yank the wound wide open every day.  Friends buying homes.  Hearing about their shopping trips for new furniture.  Talk of vacations, new campers and the places they will visit.  Things I cannot do in my situation. 

He showed up last night with HER.  She rode along with him in HER vehicle…to bring my baby girl home from the weekend visit.  They will get to have her for an entire month soon.  Yet another slap to the face.  I sit in poverty while both ex’s have girlfriends, take trips, live in homes they own, not pay/underpay child support and go about their little lives.

I’ve been left to clean up the mess.  Pay everyone’s bills plus my own.  Scrape by.  Deal with the kids’ behavior as a result of the emotional abuse they endure at their fathers’.  I’m so lonely and depressed and angry.  I’m left to face me and the wake of destruction I’m left to heal after 37 years of abuse.  First my mother.  Then two husbands.  Multiple bosses.  Several boyfriends.  Codependent much??

I don’t know if my dream is fading or if I am.