I have a box with golden wings.
My hope lies buried there.
I fill my life with countless things
To fight off the despair.
I know that I should open it.
Sometimes the urge is strong;
But somehow I resist a bit
Because I’ve hurt so long.
Yet, someday soon when time has passed
There’ll come a brighter day
I’ll open up the box at last
My fears I’ll cast away.
I’ll don the wings of purest gold,
I’ll free the hope within.
I’ll look on fear as something old.
Renewed, I’ll live again.
By Lynn S.
When does the overwhelming fatigue go away? When will I feel his grip on me loosen? When will my mind stop rolling the “facts of the case” around and around like a washing machine gone wild? When will I be “normal” again?
I’m so tired of the dysfunction. I’m tired of his name being on my lips. I’m tired of my first thought each day being of him. I’m tired of being afraid every single time my daughter goes home with him.
How do I move past this? Where do I find normal? When do I stop doubting that I am going to survive? When do I place my trust in the Lord 100%?
I want me back. I want the happy-go-lucky girl who had a life going for her back. I want a partner to share my life with. I want a home that I can call mine. I want a job that I am proud of. I want to be normal again.
Being alone with one’s thoughts can be scary. Especially when you are so used to turning yourself inside out figuring out what your partner is thinking. Suddenly being left alone to do what you want, on your own timeline, can seem a daunting proposition.
That’s where I am…figuring out who I was before I got wrapped up in misery. I used to be vivacious, care-free, energetic, silly and always meeting up with friends. Over the last three years I have become a recluse, shying away from activities that would set off the silent treatment. I keep asking myself, “why did I stay” and “what made me think this was ok”??
When the light of day was finally shone on this black hole – I was set free. And there is no turning back now.