A Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter & Woman…Overcoming Domestic Abuse With God

Posts tagged ‘Reading’

It’s a War

I read a lot.  A LOT.  I read about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).  I read about sociopaths and pathology in general.  I read self-help books on (among others) spirituality, self-esteem, faith and moving forward.  I don’t feel comfortable with any situation until I’ve researched the hell out of it.  Its a blessing and a curse.  Anywho, while reading information on NPD yesteray I came across something that made me stop and think.  It was referring to victim recovery and having to deal with the disordered one in the aftermath (especially with co-parenting) and it said, “NPD is a lifelong war”.  Truer words have never been spoken. 

I have 2 disordered ex’s…one with NPD and one who is a sociopath.  I didn’t know what the first one had diagnosis-wise until I was married to the second one.  Talk about a bait and switch.  The battle for my children’s lives/mental health is a war I fight daily.  I watched my pre-teen son cry through half of a sporting event last night because his NPD father had been mindfucking him the entire day.  This is a kid who NEVER cries.  He couldn’t even really express in words what he was feeling.  THIS is what these monsters do to children…destruction on a mental, emotional and psychological level.  I pray for my children multiple times a day – that they will be protected from lifelong, permanent damage.  That I will be able to mother them enough to counteract the damage they receive during custodial visits.  That God will give me the strength to keep doing this for the next 20 years.  Or even better…inspire the disordered ones to abandon the kids and I as so many of them end up doing.

I keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind and bush and yell, “you’ve been punk’d” and give me a normal, happy life.