A Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter & Woman…Overcoming Domestic Abuse With God

Posts tagged ‘Joy’

Headed Back to Court

Tomorrow marks the umpteenth time we are going to court.  This time is in regard to my property that he still has – 5th time is the charm.  Right?  We are asking for credit rather than stuff this time.  I’ve decided to let it all go.  None of it is of consequence and will only serve as a reminder of my life with him.  The lie I had with him.  I hate going to court.  This judge likes to yell and really get after people.  I didn’t do anything wrong and I know that but my old “programming” sneaks up on me…making me feel responsible for things I have no control over.  Say some prayers, would ya!

The other night I was laying in bed listening to music and letting my mind wander.  Suddenly I had a thought hit me…my “dream” of being with him/my life with him was, for all intents and purposes, selling my soul to the devil.  I don’t need ANY dream that badly.  And with that, my dream has been shattered.  Left lying on the floor.  A bygone.  And I’m left feeling relieved – like the weight of the world is off me.  I don’t need a dream that forces me to totally neglect myself, allow my life to fall by the wayside and care only for the needs of one overgrown man.  I know better now so I can DO better now.

My life at work still sucks big time.  But the result of not letting others dump their emotional shit on me all day has me feeling so much clearer mentally.  Its really amazing.  My energy levels are still not great because of all the effort it takes to maintain boundaries with the nuts.  But I’m doing it and praying hard that guidance will be given to me for a new job.  I’m open and willing and ready.

Welcome to my recovery!

6 Months Ago

I took a calculated risk 6 months ago and left his lying, manipulative, disordered, cheating, cruel, ruthless, abusive ass.  It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life and it nearly killed me.  I knew my 18 month old daughter would face being alone with him during court-ordered visitation although back then I had no idea how much time alone with her he would really get.  I made my decision based on what I knew to be true at the time and with the guidance of people I thought I could trust.  I did my best to separate us from a man so toxic and damaging that I felt I had no choice but to go in to hiding.  I did all of this to protect my 4 children and myself from a lifetime of pain with this man.   To date, this has been a soul-scorching journey filled with the deepest sorrow imaginable. 

I am reaffirming today that my decision was the right one and that I am glad I left him.

My Bill of Rights

I have the right to be me

I have the right to put myself first

I have the right to be safe

I have the right to love and be loved

I have the right to be treated with respect

I have the right to be human – not perfect

I have the right to be angry and protest if I’m treated unfairly and abusively by anyone

I have the right to my own privacy

I have the right to my own opinions, to express them, and be taken seriously

I have the right to earn and control my own money

I have the right to ask questions about anything that affects my life

I have the right to make decisions that affect me

I have the right to grow and change, this includes changing my mind

I have the right to say no

I have the right to make mistakes

I have the right to not be responsible for another adult’s problems

I have the right to not be liked by everyone

I have the right to control my own life and to change it if I’m not happy with it as it is