Tomorrow marks the umpteenth time we are going to court. This time is in regard to my property that he still has – 5th time is the charm. Right? We are asking for credit rather than stuff this time. I’ve decided to let it all go. None of it is of consequence and will only serve as a reminder of my life with him. The lie I had with him. I hate going to court. This judge likes to yell and really get after people. I didn’t do anything wrong and I know that but my old “programming” sneaks up on me…making me feel responsible for things I have no control over. Say some prayers, would ya!
The other night I was laying in bed listening to music and letting my mind wander. Suddenly I had a thought hit me…my “dream” of being with him/my life with him was, for all intents and purposes, selling my soul to the devil. I don’t need ANY dream that badly. And with that, my dream has been shattered. Left lying on the floor. A bygone. And I’m left feeling relieved – like the weight of the world is off me. I don’t need a dream that forces me to totally neglect myself, allow my life to fall by the wayside and care only for the needs of one overgrown man. I know better now so I can DO better now.
My life at work still sucks big time. But the result of not letting others dump their emotional shit on me all day has me feeling so much clearer mentally. Its really amazing. My energy levels are still not great because of all the effort it takes to maintain boundaries with the nuts. But I’m doing it and praying hard that guidance will be given to me for a new job. I’m open and willing and ready.
Welcome to my recovery!