Finally had the temporary custody hearing today and I think it’s a mixed blessing. We each get her on alternating weeks, I get $202 in child support, he pays half of daycare and we are each responsible for her expenses on “our” week.
I have never spent a single night apart from her in her almost 19 months and this breaks my heart. But I have already arranged through my work to take early lunch hours on my days I don’t have her. This means I will only go without seeing her for two full days on his week with her.
We did get joint restraining orders but the judge felt the domestic abuse wasn’t a factor in child custody. BLOWS MY MIND! He can call me names and treat me like dirt in front of the kids but it doesn’t affect them?
I pray he will finally see how much work goes in to parenting and decide he doesn’t want her all that much. Maybe he will get back in to racing the race car so he will be extremely busy 7 nights a week. Who knows.
The important thing is that he didn’t get her full-time and that I will really only not see her on his weekend. Feels like crumbs at this point.
So much has happened and yet I feel as if time is standing still. Let me give you a timeline:
3/31 – hubby drove us across 4 lanes of traffic without looking during one of his rages. I stay the night with my daycare provider. He doesn’t call.
4/1 – moved in to the shelter with my four kids, taking only clothing, shoes & toiletries. He finally calls and leaves a voicemail that he’s changed the locks so I can only get in through him.
4/4 – he sends an email to my work asking me to “settle this”.
4/9 – I reply to his email that I will respond if he remains civil.
4/11 – find out that dear hubby filed for divorce on 4/7.
4/14 – filed my paperwork for temporary custody and support.
4/15 – receive a text message from him that he is cancelling my cell service as of 4/19.
4/16 – finally receive a response to my email. He wants to see the baby (only took 17 days!) and he hopes we can have a good relationship moving forward.
4/17 – receive another email; this one only asks when he can see the baby. I block his email addresses.
4/20 – receive a confirmation email from Verizon. My cell phone service shuts off within a half hour.
4/21 – call the cell phone provider and resume my service since dear hubby only suspended it and didn’t change the billing password.
4/22 – receive paperwork from my attorney that dear hubby has alleged things against me (as if he’s a victim).
So now I’m left wondering what crock of lies dear hubby has cooked up. I’m sure its going to be a doozy
I ache in places I wasn’t even aware could be achy. I move through my days on something of an auto-pilot just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I worry that my husband’s next move in this contentious divorce will be abuse allegations against me. He hated me. He hated that I didn’t think his son was perfect. He hated that I treated the kid LIKE a kid. A kid who should do chores and put away his shoes and pick up after himself like everyone else in the house. But no, his son was special…he shouldn’t be treated like a commoner. 98% of our fights were over his son because his son was “his baby”.
So now I sit back with an achy heart and wait to see what the next trick will be. I’m guessing it’s going to be a doozy.
Lying in bed and wishing that I had a solution…a quick and easy fix. Unfortunately, I knew getting away from him would be neither quick nor easy. I escaped with my life, for which I’m grateful and my sanity, which I now cherish in a way I never did before. He was driving me insane at a slow, determined pace. I have seen this compared to a frog and a pot of water. If you drop a frog in to boiling water, it will jump out and save itself. If you put a frog in to a pot of cold water and bring the water slowly to a boil, the frog will remain in the pot and cook to death. So it was for me…if dear hubby had shown his “crazy” right from the start, I would have run. But, since he waited and gradually made life more and more intolerable for me, I just kept dancing faster to stay one step ahead of him. Sick and twisted, if you really stop and think about it.
So tonight I hate him – for putting me and my children through so much and more yet to come, I fear.