“And when we stare at uncertainty, typically fear comes up. We just don’t know what’s going to happen. Good stuff maybe? Or bad stuff? A lot of folks tend to think that only bad stuff is going to happen in the unknown, so they stay in their comfort zone.” Mastin Kipp
Not bad dreams (aka nightmares) but dreams of the future have been on my mind lately. I’ve been reading that where you focus your thoughts is what manifests in your life. I have seen this in action so I’m attempting to really focus on my future…a home, a job, hobbies, (potentially) a man and a life free from abuse.
I’m doing a good job with the home. A craftsman bungalow on a quiet street with a wooded area behind it. A nice open front porch perfect for adirondack chairs and visits with neighbors. Built-in cabinets throughout the house, a charming eat-in kitchen and room for everyone. In my dream the house is always white but I think I would paint it a buttery yellow with white trim. Flowers everywhere. White picket fence in the front with privacy fence in the back. Swingset. Above ground pool. Smallish dog.
Hobbies include reading, gardening, painting ceramics, interior design, running, refurbishing furniture, going to garage sales/auctions and dancing.
A man…lol…I’m not sure what to dream of here but God has told me “He is coming”. I’ve never had a mutual, loving relationship. In my previous relationships, there has always been an imbalance of power, verbal/emotional/psychological abuse and constantly finding myself giving 99% while the other party gives 1%. I have a lot of things I would like to have with someone new – good communication, sense of humor, respect, trustworthiness, intelligence, kindness, thoughtfulness, open, passionate, romantic (even just some effort) and honesty. LOTS and LOTS of honesty. When I let my mind drift I really don’t see anything physical except dark hair.
My job I am struggling to “see”. I am really unhappy with where I am currently but I don’t know if its solely the environment or a combination of the work and the people I work with. I’d walk away today from my current employer if I had no financial obstacles. Otherwise, I don’t know what else to do with my life. I’d like to go back to school but at this point finances are preventing me from making that a reality as well. Although unemployment is very low in my state, I cannot find a job in the same field that has both the pay and the benefits of my current employer. I feel stuck here and like a big brick wall is in my face.
According to Mastin, “wherever you ARE is PERFECT. You have been GUIDED there. And wherever you think you need to be is an illusion. The present moment, where you are, what you are doing is PERFECT and MIRACULOUS”. So here I shall remain. With my dreams. Trying to see the miraculous.