In the midst of all the chaos this week I happened upon a bit of info that confirmed, soothed and crushed all at the same time.
My abuser is cheating on his live-in girlfriend.
Now I don’t know how long he’s been “with” woman #1 (the live-in) or what lies he told her to get her there but I saw her at his house starting last summer when I picked up some of my belongings, thru the fall when I picked up more belongings (she stood outside for this one) and now we are back to summer again so they’ve been “acquainted” approximately a year. She moved in with him, according to unsolicited eye-witness reports, 3 weeks ago. He also proudly drives her vehicle (with her along for the ride, of course) to my home to pick-up and drop-off baby girl for the past 3 weeks.
Enter woman #2. The woman I suspected he was cheating on me with starting approximately two years ago when baby girl was just an infant. Strange phone calls showing up on our cell phone bill. Mysterious late nights at work (she worked in the office). Suddenly working tons of weekend overtime without corresponding increased paychecks. It was shortly after this behavior started that I stopped having “relations” with him. I’m thankful for my intuition because a month or so later he reeked “down there”…that was a God thing.
Anywho, woman #2 has been in the picture longer than live-in gf and it was woman #2 who showed up with my abuser this past week to pick up baby girl. They looked cozy in his truck. Comfy together. Like boyfriend and girlfriend. But he’s living with #1. Baby girl talks about #2 ALL THE TIME…calls her by name…even asks me to see her. But I’ve never heard a name for woman #1 and have no idea who she is as I was assigning woman #2’s name to woman #1 since baby girl talked about her all the time. Confused yet? Me too.
Woman #1 drives a vehicle that looks just like the one I had when I met my abuser. She dresses similarly but is not real savvy based on a couple of exposures I’ve had to her. Not real savvy works reeeeal well for my abuser. The more naive’ they are the longer it takes them to figure him out (took me 3 years, wife 1 approximately 8 years and wife 2 12+ years – she is still his “friend”). He is just that covert and that good at the con.
It is surreal to watch them pull up to my home…gives me a sense of deja’ vu. Like watching myself 4 years ago when I first met him. And watching him run this ruse on these two women just takes me right back to all the doubts I had about him when we were together. My gut feeling that something was wrong…that his stories weren’t adding up…and my intuition was right. It was so right that it’s scary.
So I feel confirmed by the fact that he cannot be faithful. C.A.N.N.O.T. I feel soothed yet again that IT’S NOT ME! While I certainly have my issues and I needed defined boundaries soooooo badly throughout my life but didn’t know it – I am not a serial cheater/wife abuser/child abuser/total douche canoe/asshole.
However, I have a twinge of pain (that crushing feeling) when he pulls up at my home with the “her of the moment” because I was replaced so easily. So quickly. Like a malfunctioning toaster he threw me away and got a shiny new model. I loved this man. I gave him everything and it very nearly cost me my life and my daughter. But that’s the old me talking…and karma is a far meaner bitch than I. The new me would like to remind these women of an old saying.
If he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you.