I realized today that in 3 weeks my baby girl will be leaving for 4 unsupervised weeks with her “father”. The abusive bastard who tore our lives apart, attempted to take my child away and nearly mentally/emotionally/physically/financially ruined me. But he has rights…more rights to parent his offspring than said offspring has rights to be safe, validated and loved.
I feel sick. I have hives. I want to run away with my children to a small Bolivian country. I don’t understand God or his “plan”. I don’t see any plan. I see a meaningless life without end (hear my “victim voice” screaming out?) and my sunshine and roses attitude is just bullshit to help me get thru the days. How do I endure this?
I thought to myself this morning, “you are just too stupid to quit…anyone else would have quit by now.”. Is that stupidity or strength beyond measure?