I have hit rock bottom today, Lord. The news that my 2 completely f-ed up ex’s are working together is the ultimate nail in the coffin and the full weight of it is pounding down on me. My daycare provider is waffling on helping me fight my abuser and actually said today, “maybe I just wish he’d be a better dad”. Yeah, well, I wished too and look where I ended up! I am exhausted, overwhelmed, disappointed, betrayed, frustrated, disgusted and stunned. By it all. Wondering where and if this nightmare will ever end. I don’t know if I can keep going. I can’t even feel safe in my own home or be myself around my children. How much more can you possibly dish out to me before I just quit? How do I possibly keep being this strong every single day? Every time I start to turn a corner, get my shit together, feel less afraid and have a good day or two…MORE $HIT HAPPENS.
Please help me see that this going to get better. I have trusted you, continued in faith, listened to your voice, felt my baby leap, studied your word and acted according to your will. How much more suffering will I have to endure before my enemies are defeated and my reward delivered?
If it be your will, Lord, please deliver me.