“How could I leave a love so true as the one that had blossomed within my mind when first he had planted the seed of his deceit in the springtime of our affair?
It was the lie of that love I nurtured as he continued with each relentless thrust and parry of his uncompromising belief that I was his to have and to hold. My mind reeled back in horror at his words and clung in desperation to my hope that love would blossom again if only I could hold onto the promises I believed in. Holding on, losing ground, I became diminished in my capacity to hold out against the truth hardening my heart against his furious insistence – it was all my fault. In my shame and self-denigrating blame, I lost hold of who I was and held onto the nothing he told me I would be without him. ” Ellie
Somewhere, down deep in the recesses of who I used to be, I have realized that those were his fears, his shame, his disorder. I am NOT nothing. I am an amazing mother who has four beautiful children and a blossoming career and friends who love me. I am athletic and artistic and warm and loving and full of promise. I am a gardener and a poet and a decorator and a short-order cook. I am goofy and driven and a woman passionate about many things. I am sexy and understanding and a damn good kisser.
And him? He’s nothing – nothing short of a monster with no soul. There is no love there for anyone but himself. And that is the line I draw in the sand…the line between my love so true and his self-love to the exclusion of all others.