When he’s not busy locking me out of my home, refusing to let me have my stuff, filing for divorce, threatening to cancel my cell phone, asking for temporary custody and giving our cats away then dear hubby is emailing me asking to discuss our situation. It’s mind-boggling and I think that’s exactly how he wants it. The more he keeps me off my center then the better he feels about himself.
I feel drained and in shock. I’m having panic attacks at my desk at work, at home in the evenings and in the middle of the night (roughly around 3 am). I finally found a counselor who can see me next Tuesday and I hope that I can at least release all of this crap out of my head. It’s called defusing and really should have been done within 24-48 hours after the incident. I was still deeply in denial at that point so of course took no action. When I found out a week later that he had filed for divorce a mere 5 days after I left him it completely knocked the wind out of my sails. To finally see, in black and white, what I knew deep down in my heart just tore me apart.
So now I am left to prepare for a hearing regarding the future of my 18 month old daughter. My greatest fear is that he will lie on the stand and the judge won’t be able to see through his bullshit. Everyone assures me that Family Court judges see abusers like him all of the time and will be able to sort out the truth.
I pray they are right.