A Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter & Woman…Overcoming Domestic Abuse With God

A Sheltered Life

Floors so dirty that constant sweeping is required.  Bathrooms only straight bleach dare enter.  Food not of our choosing yet free.  This is life in a battered women’s shelter.  And since this past Friday, my children and I have been living there.

Things had been horribly tense for the last couple of weeks.  Like “cut the tension with a knife” thick.  We were pleasant with each other, slept in the same bed (although each clearly on our own side) but really no fighting.  My spidey-sense knew something ugly was brewing, though.  I developed a huge knot in my right shoulder and the pain became almost unbearable around 5 pm each day.  I found I either couldn’t eat when he was home or I was eating everything in sight.  And I was irritable and on edge during evenings I was alone with him without my children to act as buffers.

And then his paranoia ramped up to off-kilter levels.  He accused me of not taking good care of the kids, failing to pay bills and not being a good wife.  That was the day he drove us across 4 lanes of traffic without looking first.  He was so angry and I was shaking inside.  This was also the day I didn’t go home.

Fast forward to today: I’m feeling overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, sad, angry and betrayed.  Possibly the greatest hurt was that I was “missing” for 24 hrs before I got so much as a phone call from him.  I knew, in my heart, that he didn’t really love me.  But to have it so blatantly staring me in the face – well that was a shot to my heart.

So I shall remain, living the sheltered life and working on a new life for me.  A life of my choosing.  A brand new beginning.

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