A Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter & Woman…Overcoming Domestic Abuse With God

I had a rather revealing conversation yesterday with someone who used to be my “bestie”.  We did everything together and then slowly, for reasons that I won’t expound on, her company became less and less desirable.  Up until about a month ago, I hadn’t spoken to her in over a year.  When I did try to rekindle the flame all of the reasons for my no-contact came rushing back at me.  However, a comment she made last night really smacked me in the face and made me cherish the fact that we used to be friends.  Her comment was, “and I know you don’t really have anyone to talk to”.  Right there, in black and white…I have no friends.  I have spent my entire life taking care of other people and being responsive to their needs and paying their way and I have NOTHING to show for it.  I tend to be socially inept and can’t seem to keep a conversation going to save my ass.  But hand me a checkbook (or some lube) and I will take care of ALL of your needs. 

Psychologists would say I am codependent and I believe that assumption to be correct.  I was raised to be one by my abusive, narcissistic mother who hit me if I sighed in a manner that was less than pleasing.  And I left her to marry my first narcissistic husband (a somatic) only to leave him and fall in with my second narcissistic husband (a cerebral).

God, if I survive this education, I promise to stay in therapy until I am FIXED!!


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