After a wonderful, awesome, amazing weekend spent entirely with my bio kids (as dear hubby and evil spawn were gone) today seems to be such a disappointment. Intellectually, I understand dear hubby’s narcissistic personality disorder is the reason/cause/excuse for the way he treats me. I know it and I accept that he is never going to improve/seek help/love me. But in my heart, I have a broken weeping area for what could have been. Opportunity lost to the hands of a disorder that is rooted in his awful childhood. And there is nothing I can do about it. Me, the fixer, the righter of wrongs, the mom, the amazing me just can’t.fix.him. And according to everything I have read, the chances of him ever fixing himself (even with psychotherapy) are about as remote as pigs flying.
So, this leaves me feeling like an outcast in an office full of roses and chocolates. My co-workers talk excitedly as I type this, comparing their v-day plans for the evening and looking forward to time spent with their “other half”. Mine acted as if this were just another day and barely gave me a peck on the cheek as I went out the door.
I doubt he even remembers what day this is.